On imperfections...

We've all heard about the power of positive self talk...about changing the scripts that run through our heads. For some people it means attracting the things they want into their lives just by believing them (a la The Secret as featured on Oprah). For others it's just not saying to themselves, "My butt is enormous!" every time they look in the mirror. For me it's somewhere in between.

I believe that self talk can positively or negatively affect your life in major ways. I believe that the things you tell yourself when only you are listening are the things that sink in the deepest. I believe that repeating something over and over to yourself can make it true. Occasionally I'll be in the middle of a run and feeling tired and burnt out and remembering that I seriously just pretty much hate running and I say to myself, "I want to stop." I say it once...or twice...or 75 times...and guess what usually happens? I stop and walk or I turn around and cut a mile or two off my run or I just keel over and die on the side of the road (depending on the length of the run). On the same note, if I repeat my little positive mantras to myself over and over throughout the run ("I can do anything for 27 more minutes." "I can do anything for 25 more minutes..." "I can do anything for 7 more minutes.") I can usually survive the full length of it without walking or giving up. When you apply this concept to your self esteem, goals, and values the effects can be devastating or totally uplifting.

So in the spirit of squelching my negative self talk, I've got a little exercise to work through (feel free to play along).

My faults, flaws and imperfections...the things I tell myself when only I'm listening:

I am a control freak

I gossip too much

I'm a people pleaser

I'm a perfectionist

I suck at doing laundry and dishes (and cleaning in general)

I have clutter all over my areas of our home

I don't say I'm sorry unless I really think I did something wrong

I am 25lbs heavier than I want to be

I eat too much junk food

I have a crooked tooth

I watch too much tv

I have too many freckles

I don't work out enough

I care too much about details

I am too sensitive

Now I know this may sound counter-productive (and believe me, I was clenching my jaw as I typed out this list), but there's a reason for it, I swear. Here's where the work comes in. And, although I've never been (nor needed to go) to AA, here's where the serenity prayer comes in. Whether you believe in God or not, the concept is the same:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference."

All of my "flaws" (and yours) go in one of three categories.

The things I can not change:

I have a crooked tooth

I have too many freckles

The things I can:

I am a control freak

I gossip too much

I'm a people pleas

er

I suck at doing laundry and dishes (and cleaning in general)

I am 25lbs heavier than I want to be

I eat too much junk food

I watch too much tv

I don't work out enough

The things I can, but don't actually really want to:

I'm a perfectionist

I have clutter all over my areas of our home

I don't say I'm sorry unless I really think I did something wrong

I care too much about details

I'm too sensitive

So here it goes. I'm changing my self talk. In black and white. So I can remember if I slip up. It comes in re-framing "the things I can not change", re-framing and positively attacking "the things I can", and re-framing and trying to understand "the things I can, but don't actually really want to".

Let's look at my list again...

The things I can not change:

I have a crooked tooth

I have a unique smile.

I have too many freckles

Freckles are cute and different. I wouldn't look like me without them.

The things I can:

I am a control freak

I am physically and emotionally safe. I do not need to control this moment. Letting go of some control gives me a break!

I gossip too much

Talking about her does not benefit me, her or the person I'm talking to. I am not helping any of us by having this conversation. I will think of others in the positive light in which I'm striving to think of myself.

I'm a people pleas

er

I do not have to make everyone happy all the time to be a good, thoughtful and loving person. Sometimes I am the most important one to please.

I suck at doing laundry and dishes (and cleaning in general)

There's a pile of laundry over there. Get off your butt and fold it. You'll feel better when it is done and put away. You won't have it nagging at you anymore.

I am 25lbs heavier than I want to be

I am beautiful the way I am. Look at my hot _____ (whatever is looking hot today)! Losing 25lbs won't change me. Getting healthy, eating better, and exercising will. I will feel stronger, more fit and more accomplished. What is my work out going to be today?

I eat too much junk food

(See above.) What healthy eating choice will I make right now?

I watch too much tv

I am watching other people live their lives and letting mine go by. I feel like I've watched too much tv today. What can I do right now that will make me feel more fulfilled? Read? Do a project? Call a family member? Turn off the tv and do it.

I don't work out enough

(See above on losing 25lbs and eating healthy)

The things I can, but don't actually really want to: This category is the most interesting to me. I am finding that anything that I've thought of as an imperfection, but that I don't really want to change, has come from another source. Someone or someones in my life have told me that these things were true about myself. I believed them (because they are true), but I also believed that they were bad things, when really in my core for me they're not. So here goes.

I'm a perfectionist

I strive to always do the best work I possibly can so that it really reflects who I am. That is a good thing. Anything less than my best is just that. I want to be the best me I can be.

I have clutter all over my areas of our home

To me this isn't clutter. The things that surround me make me happy. A stack of magazines for inspiration when I want/need it, multiple colors of sticky notes (used and otherwise) to keep my thoughts a rainbow of organized, a box of trinkets that hold personal significance. One person's clutter, another persons personality. Too orderly and my creativity is stifled.

I don't say I'm sorry unless I really think I did something wrong

Seriously, what is the point of insincere apologies. I'd rather agree to disagree and move forward.

I care too much about details

How in the world can you care TOO MUCH about something you adore? I revel in details. I am completely smitten with them. They may not be important to someone else, but maybe that's what makes them so great! That whole missing the forest for the trees thing is BS. Every last one of those dang trees is amazing. (And I don't miss the forest. It's gorgeous too).

I'm too sensitive

I am easily hurt because my heart is wide open to the people in my life. There is nothing wrong with that. I hope I am always able to stay open and vulnerable to the people I care about and I hope that the people I care about are open and vulnerable with me as well.

I know this blog is long, and if you've made it this far (I'm impressed), take it a step further...Make your own list (you know what an advocate I am of lists!!). Write down your imperfections and then find a way to embrace them or a way to use positivity to push yourself to change them. What's the worst that can happen?

‎"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world. " -Robert Louis Stevenson